ah well.. i have been very emo in my past post.. aniwei.. to tell u guys, im now a happy chubby girl again...

the picture above is a proof that Im happy now.. hahahaha...

sleepless night... i wish there is someone i can talk to right now..
loneliness creeping slowly to the core of my heart.. its been a while that i feel this way... making a way for my tears to stream down...

sound of the music is accompanying me.. i feel so vulnerable now..

it sucks...

are you still the same person i knew?
am i still the same person you knew?



so many questions, so many words, but do all those important?

crap.. can someone just put me into deep sleep? sedate me if needed...

what should I do... tell me...

Do i just so lausy in words? or you have problem in intepreting my words?

Dear

Thousand and one feelings i have inside me right now..

I dunno how to explain..

I do not need your sorry, all I need just for you to show me some love, is it so hard to just say that you love me? I never expect a lot from you, but I need some care and love from you.. you need not to be here for me 24/7 but the least you could do is just to say how much u love me every now and then.

why u always say sorry? i dont need your sorry. It makes me feel guilty and makes me feel like i am a lausy person for you.

my heart is fragile right now, could you not break it with your yet another apology?

it even hard for me to tell you how i feel right now, with you not trying to understand me, with you not having the patience to handle me at my worst.. you just turn the table around and say sorry, thinking that apology is all i want... thats not i want.. i need your hand, i need assurance from you.. a warm and gentle words whispered to my ear.. make me feel loved once again..

the distance is killing me... very slow and steady..

Final Call

It has been a faithful 5 years i guess since last I said I love you or I miss you... Surely time has flew and somewhere in my life you still are someone that I cant let go of.

3 days I have been awake by the wrench in my heart. I miss you, I dont want you to go, but who am I to ask you to stay? I can only bless you.

I comfort myself by telling myself that this separation is for the best of us.. maybe its time for us to move on with our lives...

I never thought second separation can be this hard too... How many years Have i been avoiding heartache? Now, I got to face it no matter what, no where to run but to stand and say my last bye.

A little wish upon the stars

Halo... hehehe i know i know that so many of you out there miss me (yeah right, like there is ppl reading this blog)...

Aniway, I mentioned about writing new blog, but due to my timing I cant start it yet.. And, now I have in mind far more interesting project.

For this year, I din set many goals, but I set, instead, two.. wait THREE big goals for 2010. what are they?

1. Some of you might have known by now that I am planning to open my own dessert shop. So I am focusing myself on realizing this plan. :) My 2 friends and I are working on this project.

2. To draw near and to love God more each day. It is a very broad goal but I have in mind what to do(s).

3. To settle down! ha ha ha need I to explain more? Those of you who close to me know that I've been wanting to hear my own wedding bells (not others) ha ha ha.. and God, I pray, You know me more than myself... Please let me be a beautiful-charming-cute-sweet bride by 2011... Please let me find someone that I want to love, I want to care for, and I want to share all my laughter and tears together for the rest of my days.

yeah those are my 3 goals.

Since I came back Indonesia, I have been truly blessed in many ways.

I have learn to know what would my life be without God, I have learn to draw a line between lust and desire, I have learn to be more patience and now I am yet to learn to be more loving.

In all my imperfections, God still sees me as His perfect creation. In all my imperfections God still accepted me. I learn to forgive myself. I have learn to forgive others but there is one I forgot to forgive all these while, myself. It is crucial, as I forgive myself, I made peace with myself and I enjoy my walk with God more.

I wanna thank God, thank Pastor Kevin, Shirley Boon and Sandy Tay who have been a great friend for me. Apart from God, these 3 people are the ones that helped me through my hardship in 2009.

on the happier side, my friend Juju is getting married this Nov. We all are so excited and happy for her. Having your best friend to have her moment is so delightful.

There is a bit of envy but hey, who wouldn't? It is every girl (normal ones) dream. To wear that white dress, beautifully walking down the aisle to meet the man who is waiting at the altar, adoring you as you walk down that aisle.

Come on.. apart from all the stress of the preparation, the moment to walk down that aisle is my dream. :)

God, I pray, I really wanna be a bride, a wife...I not only want wedding but marriage, a beautiful, anointed, God-fearing marriage. I want to be a loving wife to my husband, a loving mother to my son (will be named Gregory) and daugther (not yet named), a loving daugther in law to me in laws, a loving daugther to my parents. God, I uphold this desire to Your hands. *blush*

Ok aniwei... he he he.. its 11.18pm... I am going to sleep... Cant believe how early I sleep these days...

Ciao~~

2010

HI... im back.... OH my, I have been MIA quite sometimes

Happy new Year all!!!!