had maggie mee for my lunch and dinner... sorry guys... i just too lazy to actually get myself a proper dinner..

now i had a dilemma.. i know amsterdam sounds so tempting.. i got my air ticket booked already... but at the same time i do want to go back home... i dunno why... i think all the hectic and jam-packed- life here have made me want to go back home and relax... far away from the world, and let myself regained strength and rationale... ha!! as if im going crazy... maybe i am!

this is bad.. the last time i had this kind of feeling was early 2006.. i know it's not so long ago... but it took me quite sometime to really stand up again...

God, grant me Your grace... sometimes i do feel like giving up... but one thing that always make me strong is You... God show me Your stars again tonite, remind me of Your greatness and Your love...

i use lame jokes to divert my mind from all the problems.... i use my thousand-animated-face to deceit ppl... i use my smiles trying to be ok...

all these i do just to make sure im transmitting a very weak signal of "HELP ME!"...

is it pride? i dun want ppl to know i am weak...

or is it just pure fear? fear of letting ppl know i am weak, fear of letting ppl step in to my life, fear of ppl's opinion on me? i dun know...

bah! what am i writing?

can someone just smack my head now???