indecisiveness

indecisive... thts what made me an unique person i guess...

i can be so indecisive that sometimes i wonder why God choose me to be a leader? i seem to be awful to make decision for myself and often i made the wrong choices, not a bad one but usually after i made mine, it always appears a better one... however, through all those wrong decisions that God has brought me to where i am now.

i admit that i am still very far away from my dreams.. i dream to be an event organizer, i dream to have a little cozy house, i dream to have my own little family, i dream to go around the world...

whenever i am facing a crossroad, i have no patience in waiting, i always wanted things to be done fast or i would have ran away before i got the right answer. hence, many times i end up hurting people and myself, end up to made bad decisions.

however, when it comes to other's farewell, i seem to be so quick in judgment and making the necessary decision and it mostly is a good decision... i wonder, is it me? or is it how God wired me when He created me?

sometimes i wonder, may be God let me to go through all the bad decisions in my life so that people around me would not repeat the same mistakes i did... was this my calling? or is it because i just unwilling to improve myself?

or is it my nature to take risk? i am always the risk taker in family.. i do seem as the play-safe-girl in appearance, but i do like to take the risk, grasp the challenge in front of my eyes though i know i might fail badly... i love the feeling knowing that im doing something that is beyond my ability.. is it because of this that i always make bad decision?

now that i am facing another major crossroad of my life, what should i do? this time round, i cant afford to make a wrong decision and this is a decision only i can hit the hammer and make the final of it.