June
July
August
September
October
5 months of roller coaster life... its not easy... but i will continue fight back...
next stop:
I will post the Great Oz pictures
Update on life with Jesus
My next plan on my business...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
for once, let me say how I HATE MY CURRENT SEASON OF LIFE
it is hard to deal with parents... sometimes they are easy to talk too sometimes they just refuse to understand us for they thought that they know what is best for us, which sometimes it might be wrong..
it is not pleasant to argue with parents.... the guilt and regret always come later... yet you dun know how to apologize because sometimes it is just not your fault and it's truly unfair and a non-sense...
it is very discouraging when day by day what you got is negative input from parents, looking down at you, picking on every single mistakes you make and dont even bother at your achievement or improvement..
it is very suffocating when you dont have your own space just to cry... to wash off those frown on your face, to wash off those anger in your heart..
it is hurtful when you are blamed for something you are not..
it is hurtful when your love for parents is taken for granted...
it is hurtful to hear 'you will never ever go far in your life' what does that suppose to mean?
it is mean to say that your own freaking daughter doesnt love you, and only care for you because you are one wealthy old man... i aint gold digger
it is even more shameful when you know above all these, you are still depending on your parents...
i have no whatsoever to be proud of... i have nothing else left but a piece of heart that truly care and love my parents but do they know that? apparently they DONT...
it is the feeling of being beaten down till you cant get up, even when u get up, you cant take up your face to look up because you are too embarrassed....
i think now, i really dun know how to love my parents...
they said i dont understand them, but do they understand me?
i dont freaking mind to be a good listener for them, but i am not rubbish bin to accept all their bitterness and anger...
why???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
P.S. no further question will be entertained by me, I MEAN IT
it is not pleasant to argue with parents.... the guilt and regret always come later... yet you dun know how to apologize because sometimes it is just not your fault and it's truly unfair and a non-sense...
it is very discouraging when day by day what you got is negative input from parents, looking down at you, picking on every single mistakes you make and dont even bother at your achievement or improvement..
it is very suffocating when you dont have your own space just to cry... to wash off those frown on your face, to wash off those anger in your heart..
it is hurtful when you are blamed for something you are not..
it is hurtful when your love for parents is taken for granted...
it is hurtful to hear 'you will never ever go far in your life' what does that suppose to mean?
it is mean to say that your own freaking daughter doesnt love you, and only care for you because you are one wealthy old man... i aint gold digger
it is even more shameful when you know above all these, you are still depending on your parents...
i have no whatsoever to be proud of... i have nothing else left but a piece of heart that truly care and love my parents but do they know that? apparently they DONT...
it is the feeling of being beaten down till you cant get up, even when u get up, you cant take up your face to look up because you are too embarrassed....
i think now, i really dun know how to love my parents...
they said i dont understand them, but do they understand me?
i dont freaking mind to be a good listener for them, but i am not rubbish bin to accept all their bitterness and anger...
why???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
P.S. no further question will be entertained by me, I MEAN IT
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sunday blues?
Huhuhuhu i miss Paris.. i really need my hair to be cut and colored... sigh... thts one major part why i dislike staying here... i cant get a proper hair cut...
aniwei...
i got a book by Mitch Albom: Have a Little Faith...
'Til then..
astalavista~~
aniwei...
i got a book by Mitch Albom: Have a Little Faith...
'Til then..
astalavista~~
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Meaning of life..
so tired, just came back from my cousin's funeral, tomorrow she'd be cremated.. this will be the hardest part for her mom.
tomorrow is another day of working day.. this whole day i keep on feel hungry, nothing satisfy my big appetite...
you know what? after this funeral, i really see how privileged i am to be in my family, to have my parents as my parents.. regardless of their imperfection their the best for me, God knows what is best for me. Our imperfections make us a very unique family. Imperfectly beautiful we are, i really thank God for my dad and my mom.
even when my mom and my dad couldnt spend much time when we are younger and couldnt give us the luxurious life when we were young, but they have set good examples before us.
i learn to be grateful, to be respectful, to be humble, to be strong, to be courageous, to be generous and to be loving from my parents. they have set examples for us to see and this is something that we cant gained from any other places.
its really a honor for me to have a parents like them and i really thank God for them.
why suddenly i rap bout this? it is because during the funeral, i have heard many stories of broken family, i have heard stories of parent's being ignorant and so many more stories that is rounding bout family issues.
and this funeral itself is the solid and vivid evidence of the ignorance of parents (this case is father la).. and also the evidence of broken value system in a family..
how a father runs a family will determined how the family will run, how a father lead his life will determined how the children lead their lives. when a father cant be a firm and wise family leader, the family will collapsed. when a father doesnt have a value system, the family will live in confusion. when a father cant provide to his family, the family will live in poverty not only physical but also spiritual.
this funeral really made me think a lot.
why some people cant just learn from experiences?
why some people cant learn from past mistakes?
why some people cant learn from success?
tomorrow is another day of working day.. this whole day i keep on feel hungry, nothing satisfy my big appetite...
you know what? after this funeral, i really see how privileged i am to be in my family, to have my parents as my parents.. regardless of their imperfection their the best for me, God knows what is best for me. Our imperfections make us a very unique family. Imperfectly beautiful we are, i really thank God for my dad and my mom.
even when my mom and my dad couldnt spend much time when we are younger and couldnt give us the luxurious life when we were young, but they have set good examples before us.
i learn to be grateful, to be respectful, to be humble, to be strong, to be courageous, to be generous and to be loving from my parents. they have set examples for us to see and this is something that we cant gained from any other places.
its really a honor for me to have a parents like them and i really thank God for them.
why suddenly i rap bout this? it is because during the funeral, i have heard many stories of broken family, i have heard stories of parent's being ignorant and so many more stories that is rounding bout family issues.
and this funeral itself is the solid and vivid evidence of the ignorance of parents (this case is father la).. and also the evidence of broken value system in a family..
how a father runs a family will determined how the family will run, how a father lead his life will determined how the children lead their lives. when a father cant be a firm and wise family leader, the family will collapsed. when a father doesnt have a value system, the family will live in confusion. when a father cant provide to his family, the family will live in poverty not only physical but also spiritual.
this funeral really made me think a lot.
why some people cant just learn from experiences?
why some people cant learn from past mistakes?
why some people cant learn from success?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Farewell..
Today, 11 October 2009, My cousin Vania has returned to Father in Heaven. She's 12 years old. Rest in peace Vania, you'll be missed by all of us.
Forgiveness
I must force myself to blog this before i forgot or become too lazy to even bother to type this post..
SO, here's the story:
Disclaimer: this is very religious and Godly post.
OK, so last week, i wrote an email to Pastor Kevin to share with him my struggle while i am here. I just have to share because i am in the verge of breaking down, u'd know it.
I told Pastor how my life has been and how i am not doing well here and i am so scared.
Pastor replied me instantly and very concerned of my well being. Pastor suggested me to come back to KL to strengthen my faith and equipped myself better for the adjustment in life that i am facing now.
Even there is no solid solution yet but Pastor concern and prayer really bring warmth to my heart. So after i read the email (which i received on sunday morning), i went to church.
I dunno why, during the worship i just wept and wept. God spoke to me things.
God showed me the reason why i found God is not relevant and not true to me. God showed me how i have resisted my dad since i came back here, i felt that my dad doesnt understand me and i just become lazy to talk to my dad. Because of that, the image of a father in my life become corrupted, subconsciously i felt it was hard to talk to God too, i cant feel His presence and i felt His word is not relevant to me.
I also have a inner fight in my mind, knowing that i let God down again and again, i have this constant fight in my head telling me just give up on God and the guilt is just killing me slowly and softly.
So during the worship i have this urge to immediately apologize to my dad and reconcile with my him.
The amazing thing is this, the preacher shared about life is a second chance and that we need to use our life time wisely to invest in eternal life that GOd promised. She asked us what would we do if we only left 30 days to live.
In the altar call, she told us to reconcile to the ppl we loved whom we have broken relationship with, at that moment i know that this is a confirmation of what God spoke to me earlier on.
So, after 3 days, i take the courage to send an SMS ( i know i am a sucker at talking mushy mushy things to my dad) saying i am sorry for letting him down and making him angry at times, i will do my best to become a better daughter. No reply from him but the tension between us gone and now i just become more patient when i talk with him, so does him.
one thing is done.
thank God and Pastor Kevin.
and tonite in CG, is another direction from God. But now i am very sleepy so i will share again tomorrow hahaha...
Pardon my english ok.. i am now very sleepy while im typing this haha..
nitezz...
SO, here's the story:
Disclaimer: this is very religious and Godly post.
OK, so last week, i wrote an email to Pastor Kevin to share with him my struggle while i am here. I just have to share because i am in the verge of breaking down, u'd know it.
I told Pastor how my life has been and how i am not doing well here and i am so scared.
Pastor replied me instantly and very concerned of my well being. Pastor suggested me to come back to KL to strengthen my faith and equipped myself better for the adjustment in life that i am facing now.
Even there is no solid solution yet but Pastor concern and prayer really bring warmth to my heart. So after i read the email (which i received on sunday morning), i went to church.
I dunno why, during the worship i just wept and wept. God spoke to me things.
God showed me the reason why i found God is not relevant and not true to me. God showed me how i have resisted my dad since i came back here, i felt that my dad doesnt understand me and i just become lazy to talk to my dad. Because of that, the image of a father in my life become corrupted, subconsciously i felt it was hard to talk to God too, i cant feel His presence and i felt His word is not relevant to me.
I also have a inner fight in my mind, knowing that i let God down again and again, i have this constant fight in my head telling me just give up on God and the guilt is just killing me slowly and softly.
So during the worship i have this urge to immediately apologize to my dad and reconcile with my him.
The amazing thing is this, the preacher shared about life is a second chance and that we need to use our life time wisely to invest in eternal life that GOd promised. She asked us what would we do if we only left 30 days to live.
In the altar call, she told us to reconcile to the ppl we loved whom we have broken relationship with, at that moment i know that this is a confirmation of what God spoke to me earlier on.
So, after 3 days, i take the courage to send an SMS ( i know i am a sucker at talking mushy mushy things to my dad) saying i am sorry for letting him down and making him angry at times, i will do my best to become a better daughter. No reply from him but the tension between us gone and now i just become more patient when i talk with him, so does him.
one thing is done.
thank God and Pastor Kevin.
and tonite in CG, is another direction from God. But now i am very sleepy so i will share again tomorrow hahaha...
Pardon my english ok.. i am now very sleepy while im typing this haha..
nitezz...
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