Forgiveness

I must force myself to blog this before i forgot or become too lazy to even bother to type this post..

SO, here's the story:

Disclaimer: this is very religious and Godly post.

OK, so last week, i wrote an email to Pastor Kevin to share with him my struggle while i am here. I just have to share because i am in the verge of breaking down, u'd know it.

I told Pastor how my life has been and how i am not doing well here and i am so scared.

Pastor replied me instantly and very concerned of my well being. Pastor suggested me to come back to KL to strengthen my faith and equipped myself better for the adjustment in life that i am facing now.

Even there is no solid solution yet but Pastor concern and prayer really bring warmth to my heart. So after i read the email (which i received on sunday morning), i went to church.

I dunno why, during the worship i just wept and wept. God spoke to me things.

God showed me the reason why i found God is not relevant and not true to me. God showed me how i have resisted my dad since i came back here, i felt that my dad doesnt understand me and i just become lazy to talk to my dad. Because of that, the image of a father in my life become corrupted, subconsciously i felt it was hard to talk to God too, i cant feel His presence and i felt His word is not relevant to me.

I also have a inner fight in my mind, knowing that i let God down again and again, i have this constant fight in my head telling me just give up on God and the guilt is just killing me slowly and softly.

So during the worship i have this urge to immediately apologize to my dad and reconcile with my him.

The amazing thing is this, the preacher shared about life is a second chance and that we need to use our life time wisely to invest in eternal life that GOd promised. She asked us what would we do if we only left 30 days to live.

In the altar call, she told us to reconcile to the ppl we loved whom we have broken relationship with, at that moment i know that this is a confirmation of what God spoke to me earlier on.

So, after 3 days, i take the courage to send an SMS ( i know i am a sucker at talking mushy mushy things to my dad) saying i am sorry for letting him down and making him angry at times, i will do my best to become a better daughter. No reply from him but the tension between us gone and now i just become more patient when i talk with him, so does him.


one thing is done.

thank God and Pastor Kevin.

and tonite in CG, is another direction from God. But now i am very sleepy so i will share again tomorrow hahaha...

Pardon my english ok.. i am now very sleepy while im typing this haha..

nitezz...