Day 1 - Where all begin

Word Of God - Forgive your debtor as how God forgives you.


at first it was blurry.. i mean, i have heard this passage for thousand of times and i've learned to forgive people even sometimes it is hard.

I was asking God, who else should i forgive? Do i still have any unforgiveness within me? if yes, what is it and to whom is it?

as i ponder and ponder, then i know i need to forgive myself for what i've done, for who i am..

I begin to replaying my past 5 years. I have been wanting to repent before the Lord that i've tried so hard to follow the Lord, becoming someone that i thought God wants me to be... I become hard to myself..

i feel that i am not good enough for God and i become to despise myself, ashamed of myself and in that process i draw further from God because i thought God wouldnt accept me.

But then, during the CG, as the speaker preached, He said, it is not what you've brought or done for God but God looks at the person, in all the imperfection that we have God still sees us as the most beautiful creation.

I have forgotten that God accepted me for who i am, I have tried to become someone i thought God wants me to be and in the process i have forgotten God's grace and God's mercy.

God told me i need to make peace with my old self, accept my past and move on; only i can birth forth true repentance in my life. Only i can draw near to God not feeling confused of my true identity in God.

That nite, i felt a wrench in my heart, in my spirit.. i know that God has broke me in order to bring restoration to me...

I come to God as who i am, with my impurities, weaknesses and my past; i come to Him and really hiding no more, just come to Him as who i am, original design, not wanting to try to be someone i am not.

This is just day 1 of my journey of discovering God and my self again.. 39 days to go... i want to be closer to Jesus.

Thank You God.

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on the lighter note, the CG was good... :) the people are nice and i once again feel the feeling of new friend.. :P thank God for putting me in this family :)